Marriage is a Sham!
“Marriage”!This eight letter monstrosity wrapped in glitz and glam has successfully managed to wedge itself into a seemingly hidden place in my life, waiting for the right moment to attack. And I am not prepared!Dearest Strange Readers,
From the different corners of the world that you might be reading this, I shall warn you beforehand. I do not intend to mince my words or stifle my tone for I have a lot to unpack. My case is simple but my opinion is not.
Marriages are a sham!
No, I do not believe so, I know so.
I know it, not from a place of empirical evidences but from a place of lived observations. Observations made under the naivety of childhood as well as inhibitions of the adulthood. Observations that I now know to be as true as my name, as right as my existence.
Marriages are a sham, a carefully constructed fairy-tale meant for the adults. Just like children are pacified through the stories of princesses and magical beings, we adults are kept in line with this hopeful little tale of happily-ever-after in the name of marriage.
At first glance you may assume that this is a rant-ridden post with the author reeking of heartache turned into bitterness but no!
Readers, I swear to you on my love for sunsets, I do not care for these petty feelings. Thus, my resolve comes from a place of genuine bafflement. And as a science peer, that is saying something. Historical reasons behind this institution are understandable; sociological reasons - tolerable and economical ones even acceptable. But where is the relevance?
In 2026, when a quarter of the century has already passed where is the relevance of marriage in our society? Why are we still dragging this outdated dream on our shoulders? Why can not we simply leave it in some basket of candies kept at some reception desk of a hotel, meant as an afterthought or more importantly- a choice?
Again dear readers, do not mistake my questions for accusations, these still come from the same place of bafflement and distress.
Also, let me go one step further to categorically explain why marriages are problematic.
The first issue is the introduction.
Regardless of the religions and cultures, one thing that we humans have in common is this pious idea of union between two human beings who promise each other themselves for the rest of their respective lives. As a kid having grown up watching romantic movies and daily soaps, I have lived for such an idea. There is nothing more exciting than someone with an equally uncertain life promising you the best of all and expecting in return nothing but your mere presence in their life. Keeping aside the rituals and tradition, this is essentially the crux of it.
And “it” is aspiring.
It makes us dream as children of a future with a similar possibility. While those growing up in healthy homes start idealising the marriages of people around them, the ones with dysfunctional ones start seeking escapism through idea of good future marriages. All of which stops once they grow up and realise the reality of it. A reality where the influential people use “it” to expand their business territory, the poor use it to sustain themselves and the ones in the middle, they use it as a coping mechanism. A coping mechanism to distract themselves from the truth of their situations.
Either way this house of cards that is once laid on the grounds of ideals and principles, falls under the weight of reality.
Then comes the execution.
Like all ideologies, despite having a set of rules, ideals and principles, there is no proper execution. In Indian context, there is always more focus on the wedding ceremony than the marriage. Not to mention the subtext of honor, validation and acceptance that is sought by the elders under the guise of tradition and culture. A carefully- crafted culture, sewn onto the shoulders of women with threads taken out of men. And while the women spend their lives trying to carry its weight, the men find themselves busy at procuring more threads to keep it alive.
And that is how it is - alive!
It is a living, breathing entity that festers inside us upon taking roots and changes our very identity.
And finally, the aftermath.
As a respectable Indian woman, a cultured one if you may; there is no limit to which marriage changes you. Whether or not one follows all the rituals and traditions is a different story but the the length to which people go to serve this patriarchy-flavoured, misogyny-induced recipe of marriage is batshit crazy. And the trad-wife syndrome! for my own sanity, I will leave it be.
Lastly, I would simply like to make my stance clear. Marriage is a sham, not because it is baseless or senseless but simply because we are liars. What was once the purest of all unions is a mere transaction these days. It has also developed into this entry pass to societal affairs, giving you respect and honor automatically. Be it love or arranged, it is all scripted till the last detail. It is a given for all the respectable folks. For most of them it is not even an “if” question but “when” question. And while the adult-me does not necessarily care, the child in me cries everytime I witness people getting “married” just for the sake of it.
Readers, while I know most of us know it deep down, let me say it for the people in the back, the ones who are lost.
It is okay to fall in love once, or twice, or multiple times. It is okay to never fall in love. It is okay to get your heart broken and be never over it. It is okay to be single forever, or single never. And so is to be married forever, or married never.
However, what is not okay is to get married just for the sake of it. Because maybe just maybe, marriage was never meant to be a sham, but a way. For some to take and some to avoid.
And while it has become a sham, that is not how it should be, there is so much more that it could be.
Until next time,
Ms. Clovereaf.